How to...not get caught short

feature | Read in About 2 minutes
Published 03 Aug 2015

Strutting about the festival, it’s likely you’ll be caught out at Toilet O'Clock unable to ‘trou down’. Here are some handy hints to avoid an inevitable public splashing:

1. Go before you go

This might seem like a no-brainer but a lot of people try to be a hero when they leave the house. “I’ll be fine” or “I’ll go after” or  “I’m fitted with a catheter.” No one is going to admire you any less if you have a safety wee.

2. Know Your Toilets

If your third pint starts tapping on the door of your goji-sized bladder, what you gonna do? You gonna research, that’s what. Get familiar with the venues you’ll be attending to make sure you’re of sound mind and bowel.

3. Contingency

Festival venues can be the worst place for a toilet – over-populated, under-serviced, poorly flushed. Fortunately the UK has a profound drinking problem & a penchant for average coffee, so treat yourself to a pub or Starbucks which shoulders much of the toi toi weight.

4. Pack Tissues

Wise men say, only fools rush in, without checking if there’s any paper. A 5 pack of Kleenex in the bag never hurt anyone.

5. Hit the gutter

It ain’t classy, but it’s the festival way. Find one of those beautifully cobbled stairwells late at night and leave a goodbye note on an Edinburgh step.